Khloe day 25...getting a little stronger

Well after yesterday's bad news, today is a very good day with some good news and a very exciting event. First of all Shelbie found out that Khloe's body isn't producing enough of a stress hormone so they are giving her some steroid shots to help her body produce that certain hormone and it's actually a good thing because it will help her get rid of some of the excess fluid and because it's a steroid it will help the lungs develop a little more. Speaking of her excess fluids, her nurse tonight told me that she is a lot less swollen than she has been. Khloe's chest x-ray showed that her lungs were a lot better so I don't believe pneumonia is much of a worry anymore. Her head ultrasound was normal and didn't show any bleeding or any past signs of bleeding in her brain. They did a CBC this morning and her white blood cell count is finally back to normal so she is now off the antibiotics and on top of that they took out the picc line as well as all the other IV's so she is more or less a free little girl other than the ventilator and feeding tube. They have once again increased her milk and she is now getting 13 mL and her residuals have been very minimal so she is still tolerating her feedings very well. Now for the best part of the day. Shelbie got a call from her nurse saying they were changing Khloe's bedding if she would like to go help out and to Shelbie's surprise, when she got there they were actually changing the whole bed And for the very first the ever, Shelbie got to actually hold our daughter. She was so excited, she told me, that she almost cried. Unfortunately I didn't have the chance to be there because I was sleeping for work and Shelbie didn't know she was going to hold her for the first time or she would have woke me up, but the nurse took pictures and sent them to my email and luckily they will do this every two weeks so I'll get my chance.So it was a pretty exciting day. I will put the pictures on her so check them out. Thanks for all the love and prayers.

Khloe day 24... The roller coaster continues!

Well now that we've had a few good days, it kind of figures that we had another bad day. Good news is that she is still tolerating her milk really well and she is peeing and pooping pretty regular. Tonight the nurse said she lost 10 grams of weight so that means she is starting to get rid of some of the fluid she is retaining. Tomorrow is the last day for her to be on her antibiotics so they will check her white blood cell count and hopefully it will be close to normal. She is still being treated for possible pneumomia as well and hopefully the chest x-ray tomorrow will tell us if it's getting any better. Sadly that is all of the good news and I don't even know where to begin with the bad so I'll just dive into it. Shelbie was told this morning that Khloe is developing Chronic Lung Disease. At first I thought it was a really bad thing to hear, but after talking with her nurse tonight, I found out that it's kind of expected with a baby this young. Basically the reason for it is the ventilator support she requires. It can damage part of the lungs and cause some lasting effects such as asthma, but it's not a for sure thing and I was told that after a couple years her lungs will regenerate that tissue and she will kind of grow out if it and that was a huge relief to me. Another thing they are worried about with the chronic lung disease is RSV. They have cautioned us to keep from really taking her anywhere for the first year so sadly not many people will get to see much of her once she is out of the NBICU because if she gets RSV she will not be able to breathe at all we're told, so it can be very life threatening to her. The other piece of bad news is that she has an air sack on the outside of her left lung that is causing a little concern because if it gets bigger it can cause less air to flow into her lungs because of the pressure it creates. To solve this they are placing her slightly on her left side in hopes that the air sack will go away but if it doesn't they will have to use a needle to draw the air out of her chest. Well all in all not a great day but we're taking it in strides and working through it. Thanks for all your love and please keep us and especially little Khloe in your prayers.

Khloe Day 22 and 23... Same old same old

Well the last two days have, for lack of a better word, uneventful. Though considering the current situation, uneventful is good. Khloe has now been pretty much stable for 4 days now and that is great. She is tolerating her milk really well and Sunday she didn't have any residuals until that night and what residuals she did have were very minimal and she is still only getting 11 mL of milk, but I have a feeling they will up the amount Monday. They are still treating her with antibiotics for both the infection had and her possible pneumonia, but things are looking good. They did a CBC on Sunday and her white blood cell count is way down which is a good thing and Monday they will do another chest x-ray to see if her lungs are looking any better. She is still very swollen, but she has been peeing a lot lately so hopefully she will start getting rid of all the extra fluid. Tonight the nurse weighed her and she was 2 lbs 3 oz, but unfortunately most of that is all the excess fluid she is retaining. She still looks to me that she has gained a little weight though so it will be good when the swelling is gone so we know exactly how much she weighs. She has been playing the up and down game with her oxygen on her ventilator, but this has been very normal since she had to put back on it this last time. I think it's because she knows what it's like to be breathing on her own so she doesn't like having that tube in her. They have turned up the nitric oxide for the iNo study in hopes that it will help her stabilize her oxygen a bit so cross your fingers. Well that's it for the last couple days. Thanks for all the love and prayers.

Khloe Day 20 and 21...3 weeks old today!

Khloe is 3 weeks old today! It might not seem like it, but for me and Shelbie time has flown by. Well not much has been happening yesterday or today. I guess you could say no news is good news and in this case that is very true. Khloe has been doing great. They still have her on antibiotics even though her infection is gone and she will be on them for at least 4 more days. She has been has been peeing a lot so the lasiks seem to have been a good idea. She is still very swollen, even though she has been peeing a lot, but we're told it's due partially to getting another blood transfusion yesterday. We also found out that she will be having blood transfusions more often because now that the arterial line in her unbilical cord is gone. They have to drip blood out of the other lines becasause of the heparin that is in the line to keep the blood from clotting and the reason is that heparin can screw up the tests. With the umbilical line they could draw out the blood with heparin, take the blood for the test, then put the blood with haparin back in the heparin can screw up the blood tests. Her potassium was low yesterday so to combat it they are putting an additive in her milk with another fortifier that adds calories to the milk. She is eating really well and today they increased her feeding once again to 11 mL. They are going to start her on another medicine that is for pneumonia. She doesn't necessarily have pneumonia though, but her last two chest x-rays have had what they call "white outs" in the lungs to they are starting her on the medicine as a precautionary measure. Today Khloe got her second primary nurse as well. Her name is Libby and she is great because she explains things so they are easy to understand and Shelbie loves it because now she doesn't need me to try and explain things to her. Libby also took Shelbie on a tour of the rest of the NBICU a couple days ago and she had a great time because she got to see where Khloe will get to be next and it's a little more cozy and there is a shelf to put little stuffed animals and other things to keep her company. Well that's it for the last couple days. Thanks for all your love and prayers.

Khloe day 19...doing a lot better!

Well today was a pretty great day for Khloe, especially after all the terrible things that have happened the last week. We were told today that her infection is officially gone and her white blood cell count is down, but they are going to continue cultures just to make sure nothing else grows. They went up on her feedings again today and she is now getting 9 mL of milk and she has had very little residuals and the the nurses and doctors are thrilled. They have also turned down the support on her ventilator which is another good sign because she is starting to do a little more of the breathing herself so hopefully before too long she'll be off it and get to move to another room. She is still swollen but hopefully it will start to go down because today she has had a lot of urine output so it seems the lasiks are working to help her get rid of that excess fluid. Things have been going great today and the news is all good news, but I have saved the best for last. Shelbie found out that in another week or two, should all go well, we will be able to start skin to skin. For those of you who don't know what that is, which I assume is most of you reading this, it is when we can start holding her, and in essence snuggle her, against our bare skin. I can't wait for this because Shelbie and I will finally get to start feeling more like parents. It's very hard knowing you have a child and not being able to really do anything to care for them. The nurses have told us that of all the things they do for preemies skin to skin is probably one of the most important because it gives the baby and parents a chance to really bond and it seems to comfort the baby and help them calm down. Well that's it for today and it was all good news. Thanks for all your love and prayers.

Khloe day 18...a little better

Well today Khloe is doing a little better. Her collapsed lung is inflated again due mostly to the ventilator. I talked to her nurse, Chris, tonight and he listened to her lungs and didn't hear any raspy breathing, which is a good sign, but this morning's chest x-ray did show she still had some fluid. I was also told that of the 7 mL she was fed earlier tonight, she had 6 of residuals, but they aren't concerned and they are going to keep her feedings the same. They also switched her to some stronger sedatives because her body is getting used to the current one she's been on. They took the catheter out today and the lasiks are seeming to work a little better because she produced a lot more urine though it wasn't enough to really make a dent in her fluid retention so she is still quite swollen. As far as her infection goes, it's the same old story. It just doesn't seem to want to go away. They are trying to just leave her alone as much as possible in hopes that her body will recover a little bit, so cross your fingers. Well that's about it for today. Thanks for all your love, prayers, and support and we especially want to thank our landlords, Richard and Roxanne, for working with us so we can keep our apartment and have a place to come home to when Khloe finally gets out of the hospital and Charlie and Dalene Stevens for letting us use their 5th wheel trailer all summer so we can stay up by the hospital while Khloe is there...you guys are awesome.

Khloe day 17...a few more steps back

Well the NBICU life so far is very much a roller coaster. There have been some ups and some downs and yesterday was definitely no exception. In the morning they did the CBC and her white blood cell count was a little lower, but not where it should be and that wasn't a very good sign because it means her infection isn't really going away. They took more blood cultures today to see if anything grows and if it does they will be taking out the picc line. Khloe is still retaining a lot of fluid which is causing her to be very swollen, so they have reduced her IV fluids and increased her feedings to 7 mL of milk. They also started giving her something called lasiks which is a some sort of a diarrhetic to help her urinate more so she can relieve her body of some of the fluids, but after a few hours she had hardly urinated at all which they were a little concerned about so they put in a catheter to help her even more and to see if her bladder is just holding onto the fluids. As if the bad news couldn't get any worse, they did a chest X-ray and found that her right lung has collapsed. It is due to her lungs being tired and to combat it they have increased the mean on her ventilator which basically means that they increased her support by turning up the pressure to help re-inflate her lung and they have also put her on her left side so her right lung is in the air with less pressure so the air will flow to it better. I talked to the nurse tonight and I asked her if it is anything they are really concerned about and she said it isn't because the lungs can tend to collapse when the baby is this young and can go back and forth between the left and right lungs. One last bit of bad news. She has some fluid in her lungs as well and they are not sure if it's pneumonia or an infection or just mucus so they are going to be testing it to see and we are hoping for the best whatever that may be. Well it's not been a good day and our poor little girl is struggling more than ever. Please keep us and especially Khloe in your prayers.

Khloe day 15 and 16!

Hey everyone. The last two days have been, for the most part pretty normal and uneventful, which I think is probably a good thing. Saturday, they increased the amount of Khloe's milk to 3 mL and she has had had hardly any residuals. She has been eating again for a few days now and finally on Saturday she pooped and after her diaper got changed too, so mommy and daddy both got to change her diaper. It's a really good sign because it means her body is processing the milk. It's funny because I never thought Shelbie and I would ever be so happy about something like that. She also had to have another blood transfusion today. Grammy (my mom Debbie) got to do her cares too. She lucked out too because later I found out Khloe is supposed to be in an open crib before anyone but parents can do cares, but Grammy was so excited. Khloe also got her first primary care nurse too, her name is Melissa W. and she is awesome with Khloe. Sunday was my first Father's Day and it was great. Khloe and Shelbie gave me a cute picture album with pictures of Khloe and I love it. They increased her feedings again today to 6 mL, which is the most she has eaten. She is still very swollen, but the infection seems to be getting better and they will do another CBC on Monday to see if the antibiotics are working. Khloe is very fisty and today she kept fighting the ventilator...it would seem she is stubborn like her daddy. That's all for now so check back for more updates. Thanks for all your love and prayers.

Khloe Day 14...Two Weeks Old!

Khloe is two weeks old today! Unfortunately Shelbie and I didn't get to see Khloe too much though. We had to make another trip to Ephraim to get more stuff and Shelbie didn't even get to see her tonight because she wasn't feeling too well, but no worries all is well. Khloe is doing great. Still not completely sure if the antibiotic is working on her infection, but she definately seems like she might be feeling a little better. She is still very swollen, but the nurses tell us that once her infection is cleared up, it will start to go down. This morning before we headed to Ephraim, we stopped in to see our little girl and to our surprise, she was having her 3rd blood transfusion. We were a little confused because she had one a couple days ago, but I'm sure it's because of all the blood cultures they have to draw for. It is probably good to get some fresh blood in her to help fight her infection too. She is still on the ventilator and this morning they had her oxygen turned up qutie high because she was having a little bit of a hard time, but tonight she is doing much better and she is once again on the lowest level they can turn her oxygen to. I asked her nurse tonight what she weighed her at tonight and to my surprise she weighed 1 lb. 14 oz., but some of that is from the fluid retention she has and I think it still means that she has gained a little weight though. I think I forgot to mention that they started feeding her milk again two days ago. So far she is doing well on it, and tonight is the only night that she has had any residuals which is basically bile and means her digestive system is working well quite yet, but it seems that she is finally starting to digest a little bit, so that was some good news. Well it's kind of a short entry tonight and not much has been going on, but hopefully that's a good thing. Once again thanks for all your love and prayers through this tough time.

Khloe day 13! (pretty good day)

Today was a much better day. Khloe is looking much better. She still has a little swelling, but it seems to have gone way down. In the morning the doctor told me that they were just going to try and leave Khloe alone for the most part because they have been handling her a lot lately and she need to relax. She didn't look comfortable at all and she seemed like she was in quite a bit of pain. My grandparents came up and saw they're great grandaughter for the first time and they couldn't be more thrilled. Like I said on the last post, Khloe's eyes are open and I got to see them! She had her eyes open a lot today and she was opening them wide. She is so beautiful and could sit there and watch her forever. Every Thursday there is a parent get together called "Lemonade in the Lounge" is kind of a support group where you can go and meet other parent's and visit. Unfortunately Shelbie and I were the only parents who showed up but it was very therapeutic to visit with Tawna, who is the woman in charge, because she knows exactly what we are going through because she had a baby born at 22 weeks and 28 weeks. After visiting we went to visit Khloe and I was lucky enough to do her "cares" once again, which consists of changing her diaper, taking her temperature, and now includes changing her bedding. Yes, I got to help change her bedding and that means for the very first time I got to hold my little girl! The more we get to be involved in our daughter's care, the closer and closer we grow to her and the more we feel like I'm a parents. This Sunday, June 19, is Father's Day, and my very first Father's Day as a dad. I received a very cool present last night that was left at Khloe's bedside. It was a mug that says "World's Greatest Dad" and I couldn't have been more excited and I even told Shelbie that no one except me gets to use this mug, but I think Shelbie might try and sneak it every now and then. When we getting ready for bed we received an exciting phone call. The charge nurse called me and told us that they received the results from the blood cultures and they came back positive. This was great news because they now know what kind of infection she has, which is in the staff family, and they can treat her with an antibiotic to fight that specific organism. When I heard it was in the staff family, I was worried, but they said its not concerning and I trust them very much. Well that is all the news for day 13. Thanks for all your prayers.

Here is a pic of Khloe with her eyes open!

Khloe day 12!

Well today hasn't been as eventful as the last two, but I guess that might be a good thing. Khloe's infection is slowly getting better, but it's not where it should be so they have now started her on another antibiotic in hopes that it will help get rid of the infection. The infection is making her retain water so she is pretty swollen, especially around the eyes. She is still on the ventilator and the only change is that they put her back on what they call the oscillator which basically does all the work for her. She definately seems extremely wore out and tired so I think this break will be good for her. Shelbie called me with some exciting news tonight at work. She saw Khloe open her eyes and sneak a little peak and the best part is that Shelbie got it on video and I can't wait to see it. I do wish I could have been there in person though. Anyway not much news today, but like I said that's not a bad thing. Thanks for all your prayers.

Khloe Day 11 (getting a little bettter)

Well yesterday June 14, 2011 (day 11) was a little better than the day before. They are still giving Khloe antibiotics for her infection and things seem to looking good. She is a little swollen, but the doctors and nurses say it's not anything to worry about. I was told yesterday morning that Khloe's eyes are both completely unfused so if I'm lucky maybe I'll get to see my baby girl's eyes before too long. Around 3:00 AM yesterday morning Khloe had anotther "AB" and this time it was a 4, which is the worst they get and they decided to intubate her once again and ever since she's been doing much better. She still looks very  wore out and tired and in a little pain, but I have a lot of faith in these doctors and nurses and I know Khloe can pull through anything especially since she has Poulson and Lemon blood, because that means she's double stubborn and just about every nurse she's had, has told us she's very fisty. Last night she had to have her second blood transfusion and the nurse told Shelbie that it was probably a good thing because she'll have fresh blood to fight her infection. I do wish I could say that this would be the last time she'll need a blood transfusion, but it definately won't be. Shelbie and I decided to have Khloe participate in a couple studies here at the U of U Hospital. The first is a study where they're trying to determine if there is a genetic factor that puts babies at a higher risk of developing chronic lung disease. They take a one time blood sample and hopefully she won't have that genetic factor, but we will never know because the results are confidential. The second is called the iNO study. It also has something to do with chronic lung disease as well as eye development. They are giving Khloe a gas, for 24 days, called nitric oxide, which they have given to older babies, but now they are trying to determine if it helps the lungs develop quicker in premature babies so they can get off the ventilators quicker and they believe it will help the eyes develop better so they won't have problems. We were a little hesitant at first but we thought about it a lot and talked to nurses and doctors and they told us that if it was in any way harmful to babies they would not give them the gas at all. The only risk is that her methemoglobin levels in her blood might increase, but they monitor this very closely and if it starts to increase too much they will take her off the gas completely. Also in 91 babies from U of U to Utah Valley only 1 baby has had increased methemoglobin, but they were already elevated when the baby was born. There is a 50/50 chance that Khloe will only get a placebo though because it is a double blind study. The main reason we chose to participate in the iNO study is because we want to do anything that will give our daughter a chance at being healthier and coming home sooner as long as it's not a danger to her in any way and they officially started her on the iNO gas on Monday so cross your fingers that it will work. That should get everyone up to speed so check back tonight for my next post. Thanks for keeping us in your prayers we can definately feel the comfort they bring.

Khloe day 10 (not such a good day)

Well today hasn't been such a great day. Khloe has had some bad set backs and some scares. Everyhing seemed to be going fine this morning when I got home from work. She was still breathing on her own aside from having to switch to another machine called a SiPAP which gives her a little extra support. Other than that everything was going good. Around 2:30 PM the NBICU called Shelbie with some bad news. Her "AB's" were getting worse and she has an infection. When Shelbie and I got there they were drawing blood for cultures to determine what kind of an infection she has and the nurse told us they were going to do a spinal tap. They started her on a general antibiotic to fight the infection and when they get the cultures back in a couple days they will modify the antibiotics to fight the specific type of infection. Shelbie called me tonight with an update since I'm at work right now and said that the spinal tap is to check for meningitis which I hope comes back negative. "AB"s" are graded on a scale of 0 to 4 with 0 being the best and 4 the worst. Khloe's have only been 0's and 1's until today and now they have been 2's and 3's. With he severity increasing Shelbie was told that they may have to intubate Khloe once again and until they figure out how to fix the "AB's" they will not be feeding her milk anymore which they had already stopped today because unlike yesterday her inestines weren't digesting it properly. So today hasn't been such a great day, but we'll work through it. Please keep us and especially Khloe in your prayers.

Khloe Day 9!

Well day 9 is almost over and so far so good. Khloe is still breathing great on her own. Today everything has been going very smoothly and this morning for the first time other than changing her diaper and hand swadling her, we got to actually touch her and really interact with her. It was such a great feeling to be able to have my daughter hold my finger with her tiny little hand and Shelbie couldn't have been more thrilled. Shelbie once again got to hold her while the nurse changed her bedding and once again I wasn't there so I'm way jealous. Today we were also told that she actually had a little bit of a poopy diaper and that was great news because they said that means that her intestines are starting to work so she is able to pass the milk through her body. Last night Khloe's nurse said she would try and get her finger prints and foot prints for us and this morning not only did she get some for Shelbie to scrapbook, but she had made a cute sign with Khloe's foot prints on it that is on her incubator. Well it's not a very long entry tonight, but as the days come and go we'll have many more exciting things happen.

Khloe Day 7 & 8

So I need to appologize to everyone for not posting the last two nights when I said I would. It gets hard to post because I have to go to the hospital to get internet and when I'm there I want to be with my little girl. If I don't post everyday like I'd like to, hold tight and I'll do multiple day posts like this one and the last one. First I need tell you all about something I left out from Day 6 on the last post. Every day they do multiple labs, where they draw Khloe's blood. There isn't much blood in her little body so they told us that she most likely will have to have multiple blood transfusions throughout her stay and on June 9 (day 6) she had her first one. It takes about 3 hours to do and unfortunately Shelbie and I weren't able to be there for it because we had to go to Ephraim. We were told the transfusion went really well and Khloe didn't mind it at all. Ok now for day 7 and 8. On the last post I told everyone about Khloe's PDA and I said she was having a good resposnse to the injections and Friday we were told that the injections had worked and her PDA was either closed or barely open. That was great news and that means she won't have to have surgery to fix it. She is still eating, but they are only giving her small amounts of milk, about 3 mL. The reason for the small amounts is that for a week she has been getting her nutrients through I.V. and her intestines haven't had to do any work so they are trying to get them working by feeding her small amounts of milk every 6 hours. So far it's a slow process and her intestines aren't working very quickly so she has small amounts of bile they have to suction out of her stomach. Saturday she reached another milstone. She is officially off the "Minimal Stimulation" so we will now be able to have more interaction with her. For the past week Khloe has had two lines in her umbilical cord. One is an arterial line in the artery and the other is in the umbilcal vein. The purpose of these lines are to draw blood for labs so they don't have to poke her. Yesterday when we arrived to see her, to our great surprise we found that she had her arterial line taken out. She is still breathing on her own very well. She has mostly been breathing 21% oxygen, which is room air and what we all breathe, and her oxygen levels in her blood are still high so that means she is breathing very well. She is still having AB's but they are getting less and less frequent. Yesterday evening we came to see her and once again Shelbie got to take her temperature and change her diaper and she received an even better surprise. Shelbie was able to help change Khloe's bedding and was able to hold her and hear her cry for the first time! Sadly I wasn't in there when she did this, but now that Khloe's min. stimulation is done I will be able to watch Shelbie do it again and even do it myself. They also took out the line in her umbilical vein last night and they put a "picc line" in which is an form of I.V. that threads all the way up her arm and just outside her heart. The reason for this is that a picc line can stay in longer than a normal I.V. That should get you all up to speed. Thanks for all your support and love through this difficult time.

                                          Here is a picture of Khloe hugging her blankie!

Khloe update Day 5 & 6

Sorry for keeping everyone on edge for a couple days. It's been go go go and no rest for the last two days. The worst of all is we haven't gotten to see Khloe very much. Wednesday (day 5) wasn't too eventful as far as Khloe goes. She was pretty stable all day. There is a valve called the PDA that leads into the heart and it  stays open until the baby is born, but when a baby is premature the PDA doesn't close on it's own and the only options are to try a series of injections to try and close it and if that doesn't work it would have to be surgery. They started the injections and last we were told she was having a very good response That was great news. Also on Wed. Shelbie's dad brought up our trailer, which will be our home for the next few months until Khloe is out of the hospital. It's not the best living space, but it will be good until she's out and it's even a little closer to work for me. Yesterday Shelbie and I had to head to Ephraim to get a lot of our essentials such as food, clothes, and a lot of other stuff. We stopped in to see Khloe before we left and she was doing the same as the day before. After our late return, at about 1 AM we went to the NBICU to see how our little girl was doing and to our great surprise she had the the tube in ther lungs taken out and was once again breathing on her own and even more so than the first time it had been taken out. The only downside is that she has been having what the nurse called "AB's" which mean Apnea and Bradycardia. Simply put this means she forgets to breath and her heart skips a beat and the nurse generally has to give her a little physical stimulation to get her to start breathing again. It made us a little nervous when they told us this, but the nurses said it is very common and expected for a baby as little and premature as she is, which put our minds to ease a little on the matter. Another milestone she reached yesterday was that they started feeding her breast milk. We were so excited. Overall there have been a few scary and exciting things happen the last couple days with Khloe. We already have some good news to put on tonight's post so check back to find out what else has been going on.

Khloe update day 4!

Well today I wasn't sure I'd have much to post, but I lucked out. It was kind of a busy day. Shelbie was discharged from the hospital and she was excited. I think she was happy to be able to leave that tiny hospital room and get some fresh air and see some new scenery. The only downside, and I'm sure Shelbie agrees, is that we won't be mere seconds from out little girl, but luckily we will still only be minutes away. Fortunately, the hospital has an RV lot setup with all utilities for only $10 a day and Shelbie's former boss and "Second Father," as she calls him, Charlie Stevens has offered to provide us with his 5th wheel camp trailer for the whole three month or so stay while Khloe is in the hospital. I only hope that one day I can show Charlie how much his generosity means to me and that I can somehow repay him. Khloe is doing great. During our on the go day we tried to visit her twice and were unsuccessful due to a new arrival in the NBICU each time, but we gladly waited for a couple extra hours and finally were able to visit her at about 8:00 PM and it was and always will be well worth the wait. Tonight was extra special though. As everyone following this blog knows, I have had the oppertunity to change Khloe's diaper and take her temperature twice and unfortunately that is the only contact, other than watching her and speaking softly to her, that we can have at this time. Tonight Shelbie finally got the chance to be at her bedside during diaper change time and was able for the first time ever to touch her beautiful baby girl. She took her temperature and was offered the option to change her diaper, but was a little nervous of doing that portion for fear she might do something wrong because of her fragile state, so she deferred the honor to me and I was able to change her diaper for the 3rd time. I guess I can now say I am somewhat of a pro at changing my daughter's diaper. Wouldn't you agree? Well that was our exciting day and I hope you all keep checking our updates regularly. Again we want to thank everyone who has had our family, especially little Khloe, in their prayers. We can definately feel the comfort they bring.

A little heart felt venting

So those who know me probably know what I mean when I say I don't show my feelings very often when I'm sad or feeling down about something. I tend to bottle things up and I know it's not healthy, but that's how I've always been. However, these last few days since we had to make the decison to deliver my baby girl almost 3 months early and after becoming a father and seeing my very premature daughter, I have become  very much emotional. It's not easy making the decision to bring a child into this world that young and the reason we did it was to possibly save the life of my wife and Khloe's mother as well as Khloe herself. This is not how her entrance into this world was planned or supposed to be. I did not have a fool proof plan for when she was born, but I had an idea and a direction. I had my siblings, my parents, my friends, and my in-laws I could turn to for help and guidance and for advice as to the proper steps to take. Now the plan has changed and for the first time in my life I am completey lost and overwhelmed. I have absolutely no plan and no idea what to do next. The worst part is that I don't know anyone who has gone through this situation and no one to tell me what to do next. I have always had someone to tell me what I could do. I could always turn to family, specifically my dad, and they could give me a distinct direction and a list of steps to take, but now that is not the case. I've been scared before, but now it concerns not just me, but my wife and my daughter. I had an idea of what it was going to be like when I thought this was going to be a normal pregnancy and I thought my daughter was going to be a healthy full term baby, but now I have no idea what to think or expect. I am truely terrified of what the future holds and I'm not sure I'm prepared spiritually and emotional to deal with the outcome, especially should the worse happen. I find myself blaming me for the current situation due to my long history of spiritual woes, which I will not expound on at this time. Shelbie told me tonight that I am so strong, but that is not the case. I look strong and tough on the outside because I know that's how it should be, but on the inside I am broken, and my heart breaks for the my daughter and what the future holds for her. I love my wife and my daughter and one good thing that has occurred from this less than ideal situation is that I have grown to love them more than ever. I pray that I will have the strength to lead my family to better times and I hope my father in heaven will guide me and show me the next steps to take.

Khloe Day 3!

Well today wasn't quite as eventful as yesterday, but it still had it's moments. At 3 AM they finally decided to intubate Khloe, but they were surprised that she made it a day and a half breathing on her own. It was so much work for her little body that she needed to rest. They currently have her on what they call an oscillating respirator, which delivers 600 breaths per minute to her little lungs so, needless to say, she is not breathing on her own anymore. They have had Khloe under the bili light, which is the light used to treat jaundice, for the last two days and they have had a sort of "blind fold" covering her eyes to protect them from the light. Today they took her off the bili light temporarily so they removed the "blind fold" and covered her incubator with a small blanket to keep light off her, but for the first time Shelbie finally got to see her face and eyes even though her eyes are still fused shut. She is so beautiful and she must have been dreaming of her mommy and daddy because she kept raising her eyebrows and wrinkling her forehead. Shelbie's blood pressure was a lot more reasonable today, but it was still slightly elevated. Shelbie is going to be discharged tomorrow as long as all her vitals are doing good and she should be getting her staples out as well. All in all a pretty uneventful day, but it was still good and exciting to me.

Khloe Update Day 2

Well day two is over. It was pretty good and everything went well pretty well, but there were a few scares and set backs although nothing too serious. It started off early this morning with Shelbie getting off her I.V. and having her cathe taken out. She was very excited to be able to get up and walk as well as wander around in a wheelchair. We visited Khloe around 4 AM but the visit was cut short due to a new arrival in the NBICU. We visited her a few hours later and Shelbie couldn't have been more thrilled watching her. Khloe is still breathing on her own, but earlier tonight she was having a little bit of a hard time with just the mask so they said that she might have to be intubated, but they were able to switch from the mask to a prong tube in her nose and at the moment she is doing very well and they are going to assess her in the morning to see if she will still need to be intubated. During mine and Shelbie's second visit today I was lucky enough to hear our baby girl cry, but Shelbie wasn't as lucky to hear her. It wasn't a cry like a normal newborn would make, but more like a couple short squawks. Howeve, it was still more than enough to make me tear up. During a later visit without Shelbie, I had the pleasure of changing Khloe's diaper again and I wasn't quite as nervous this time, but she was not very happy with her daddy during and after the process and once more I heard her cry and this time is was a little more recognizable as a baby's cry. The next excitement, or so I call it, came around noon time when Shelbie's blood pressure became elevated once more. She hasn't had any complications frome it, but the nurses have been watching her very closely and through a few meds it is now down to a more reasonable number, but they are still going to moniter her to make sure it doesn't rise again. Now for the most exciting part of the day. My Aunt Mary and Uncle Steve Hoggard, their daughter LaRissa and her boyfriend Jake came to visit tonight I took them to see baby Khloe. I took Mary first and I got so caught up in washing my hands and explaining to her the same procedure, that I left my brand new video camera on the table next to the sink. We were only in the baby's room for a few minutes until I realized what I had done, but it was already gone. I looked all over for it and asked the nurses if it had been turned in, but no luck. Finally I filed a report with the campus officer on duty and provided all the information he asked for including: make and model, serial numbers, and color. He even took pictures of the box to better identify it. Shelbie was pretty tore up about it, but I was just glad that I transferred all the the pictures and video to my lap top with the exception of  video I recorded today. I was praying that the thief would look at the contents and have a change of heart, realizing just how important the camera is. Not 5 minutes after I got back to Shelbie's room, the phone rang and the nurse had the camera. She explained that some parents saw the camera and feared it would get stolen so they took it to the desk, but the nurse wasn't there. However, they returned after their visit and turned it in. I was so relieved and Shelbie hasn't let me touch the camera since, so it would appear I have lost my camera privilege. Thanks for all your support and prayers.

Baby Khloe Day 1

BABY KHLOE IS HERE!

Update time! Ok so as most of you know a little over 24 hours ago June 3, 2011 our daughter Khloe Marion Poulson was born at 10:44 PM. She was almost 3 months premature and weighs only 1lb. 5oz. The reason for the early delivery was a pregnancy high blood pressure disorder called Pre-eclamsia which is life threatening to both to the baby and mother if the baby is not delivered and is the only treatment for the disorder. It was not an easy decision for me and Shelbie to make but we felt it was the best route for both Shelbie and Khloe. It was not the start to life we had hoped for our baby girl, but considering the circumstances mom and baby are doing very well. Shelbie is recovering very well from the surgery and Khloe is showing her stuborn will to survive and overcome in the Newborn Intensive Car Unit (NBICU) at University of Utah Hospistal. She was on a respirator for only about 19 hours and throughout the whole time she was doing most of the breathing on her own and the nurses have now taken her off the respirator and she is now breathing on her own. The nurses are watching her closely and we are all crossing our fingers that she won't need to be put back on the respirator. Khloe is currently on what the nurses call "minimum stimulation" which means they are exposing her to as little as possible such as light, sound, and contact with her skin all due to her fragile state. They obviously have to expose her to to some of this in order to do various tests as well as change her diapers. I (Trevor) had the lucky chance to change her diaper and take her temperature today and I couldn't have been a prouder daddy. That should put you all up to speed and I will try to post updates regularly. Please keep us in your prayers.